Yesterday was bad. I wanted to end it all but the best I could do was harm myself.
It always hits hard when you least expect it and even if you try your CBT, it still sometimes does not help.
I’m at the maximum for my current meds, so I have to swap I think. Maybe then the fucked up dreams will stop, maybe then the crippling feeling of hopelessness will go away. Maybe not, but at least I have people to talk to who do understand.